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It's Not All About You

 It was 8:35pm and I was walking home. It was a normal Friday after work. I had had a good day. It all went smoothly and there was nothing that had disrupted my hard-earned calm and peace of mind. The wind blew gently yet with enough strength to keep the heatwaves of summer away from my sun-ridded skin.

I kept a slow pace as I had decided to take it slow. Nobody was waiting for me at home. Except for the cats that were probably angry I wasn't coming home on time for dinner. Their dinner. Not mine. I think even though they showed their affection towards me, they couldn't care less if I ate anything for dinner or not. It was their nature, and I respected it. They were there for me when I was down and blue. They were there for my happy birthdays and for the uneventful dates. In return, I tried to keep their feeding schedule tight. Their water is fresh and their toilets shit-free. I didn't always deliver, as I sometimes would hit the bar near my office for a beer or two before heading back home. They knew me, and they had come to respect the fact that I would sometimes get home a bit late.

As I was passing the red church on my right, my phone beeped and vibrated. I took it out of my left pocket and saw I had a Facebook notification. I quickly unlocked my phone and read that I had memories from this day. I had become somewhat distant from the social networks I had spent so much time on years back. I now use them to read my friends' posts and see if they got into arguments with other users because their political views differed from theirs.

I would cyberstalk people I had no longer anything to talk about with, but was somehow interested in what they ate for dinner and what they got for their birthdays. I had become the silent friend standing in a corner, watching life unfold in front of him. It was less messy this way. I was proud of myself. But of course, I would indulge myself by posting a nice picture now and then.

It was 8:49pm, and I was still heading home. The street I was walking on was very much dead. Where was everyone tonight? I still couldn't comprehend the magnitude of what the fucking virus had caused. It felt like being part of one of those dystopian future movies. The wind blew again. This time a bit harder than before. The temperature began dropping. I was wearing a black T-shirt and red shorts. I always thought I looked good in red and black, but nobody would ever tell me that these colors suit me. They would only compliment my looks when I wore bright yellow jackets or even green clothes. But they wouldn't say anything when I felt the most confident, and that was when I wore black and red.

People like you only when you please them, I had learned.

The sun was long gone. And there I was. Amongst the empty commercial spaces that had once, not long ago, hosted restaurants and shops. Even the kebab joints looked sad and empty. Was this going to continue further? It all had become a lifeless monotony, and I craved for things to go back to some degree of normal. Was I asking for too much? But then I thought, well, I would still be me, so it doesn't really matter if things have changed or not. It's always been me. It's always been me.

I had amassed some fame and respect from the people I met through the years. I never knew why they liked me. I was always too afraid to break the spell and ask them. However, in some moments of clarity, I had come to terms with all, and I realized that I had used everything in my hands to have come to where I was today. But I faltered, I often did. Yet, I never blamed it on my being human.

It was 9:29 when my phone rang again. 

He has passed away, I read.



Hrms Etc
11/6/2021





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