It was my birthday, and I met you a couple of days after. You were a kitten, a newborn kitten. Still blind and still not ready for life. Still new to this world. Still not ready for what life brings. You were my baby. My baby girl. Pelucha was your name. A fitting name for a girl like you. Fluffly and lively. Full of life and never ready to surrender to the boring days. Your smile would make everyone forget about their heavy baggage. They would forget about their problems, and their bad times would dissipate in the thin air of the afternoon.
You had the most distinctive smile from every other cat I had ever had. You were my daughter. I had rescued you from week 2 and you knew it. It was such an amazing time with you by my side. Stress and problematic times would disappear with just a look into your yellow eyes.
I was always drawn to your purity and innocence. To your charisma and to your friendship. You were my best friend in my darkest moments. I would cry my heart out and you would be there for me every time. With a smile on your face to make it all better.
You carved your name in my heart. I would have helped you but I had some ghosts of the past haunting me. I was not aware of the good in the world. I was immersed in the sad and the dark.
I am sorry I was not there for you anymore. I know you knew now how life was treating me and I was unable to pay you back. I regret not being with you when you needed me the most.
I wish you could have spoken my language and told me that you wanted me to stay with you a bit longer.
The needle pierced your skin. It was a fast thing in my head. The chemicals began to flow and you looked at me. With your beautiful big eyes. Our eyes locked and I said thank you and I am sorry. I will never know if you understood me. But I know now you are not in pain anymore.
The chemicals entered your bloodstream, and you knew what was coming. I knew what was coming. Yet, you never looked away. You looked at me straight in the eye. You knew you were leaving me. And you never faltered. You were the same strong kitten I had rescued many years ago. My best friend and reason to go home after life happened to me.
The needle left your frail paw and we locked our eyes. Yours were full of hope and thanked me. Mine were full of tears and regret. I wasn't ready to let you go. I wasn't ready to give up. But it was too late, and we both knew it. Everyone knew you wouldn't be back.
After 6 seconds of holding you. You began to lose your emblematic posture. You had always had such a fine pose. It was never-ending. Yet, it took 6 seconds. For the venom to enter your lifestream and kill the light inside you.
Your pupils began growing bigger and bigger. I never let you fall, I held you until the very last moment.
We never lost sight of one another. You knew what was going to happen. I knew I didn't want to lose you but I had to let you go. The pentobarbital had begun devouring your light. I could feel your life slipping away. My eyes kept on letting tears out.
I never taught that after losing my mother I would be losing my best friend, my sister. my little sister.
It took six seconds to see you go, to see you go.
And then, your body fell. I tried my best to hold you. But my hands failed.
My life was a blur.
And then, I saw you. Smiling back at me from above.
I will never forget that smile. Those eyes. That vibe you gave off. I was happy with you. I had no heavy heart when you were around.
I am sorry. I wish I could have done something to keep you around longer,
I miss you. And I hope to see you again one day. I hope you welcome me when my time is due.
Hermes Etc
18.12.2021
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